


Worth the Risk

by spn_glow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Bullying, Dean Fighting, Destiel - Freeform, First Time, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy ending/or maybe bittersweet, Love, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Romance, Sad, Student Cas, Teacher Dean, Top Dean Winchester, Underage Drinking, reunited, time apart, virgin Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-06-22 01:38:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spn_glow/pseuds/spn_glow
Summary: Castiel is 17 and starting his senior year. His summer wasn’t the best and his home life isn’t the best. He’s shy mostly but can be direct. Michael and his jock friends pick on him. Dean is a new gym teacher and from the first look Cas is drawn to him. Dean never crosses a line with a student, until he wrestles with temptation for the bright blue eyed beautiful boy. The connection is deep with them. They are hit with unfair events and have to deal in their own ways before they can make it back to each other.





	1. Chapter 1

Cas was sitting in his room sketching. He has several pads filled with archangels, angel armies, and lots of other warrior types. He himself has never felt strong so he found his talent for drawing when he began getting out his heroes on paper. It’s an outlet and hobby he uses to escape reality. He is starting his senior year at high school tomorrow and is nervous but hopes this last year will go quickly so he can graduate and get out of this town. Until then he figured he better get to sleep so he’s rested for the first day.

***

His blaring alarm came too soon, Cas reached an arm over turning it off and rolled over staring at the ceiling for a minute not wanting to get up.

“Please let this day go well” He said to himself.

He sat up and stretched with a yawn. After a shower he felt refreshed and more alert. He got ready in a white button down shirt and black jeans with a belt. He combed his black hair but it always has a messy look to it. He shoved his sketch book in his bag with his supplies and headed to the kitchen for a quick breakfast.

Chuck was up and had made eggs and toast.

“Good morning son”

“Dad, you’re up early”

“I wanted to see you off on your first day. I can give you a ride if you like?” Chuck said with a fidgety smile.

“Thanks Dad but it’s only a few blocks, I’ll walk, I like the fresh air”

“Okay, well, eat up and have a good day” he left the room to go camp out in his spot to maybe write something then drink and pass out.

Cas ate and headed out the door. He got to school twenty minutes early. Everyone was gathering in the open area inside. He stood against a wall away from the crowd. After about ten minutes he heard his name in a high pitch squeal. He looked up and smiled when he saw Charlie rushing towards him.

“Cas!” She stood in front of him bouncing full of energy.

“Hi Charlie, how are you?”

“I’m pumped, senior year man, this is our year I know it” She lightly slugged his arm.

“Okay pink lady, calm down” he joked.

“Whatever, give me your schedule” She held out her hand.

“We signed up together remember?” Cas said.

“I know, I just want to make sure it’s right”

Cas handed her the schedule. She looked it over. “Why are you taking gym class?”

“I need it this year because I avoided taking it and it’s a requirement to graduate” he said rolling his eyes.

“I heard there’s a new teacher for gym this year so maybe he’s better than that creep Mr. Roman”

“I doubt anything will make me thrilled about taking it, I just want it over with”

“But you look so cute in shorts” She winked.

Before Cas could object the bell rang to start the trek to first period.

***

The first half went by okay with no one bothering him. He was glad it was lunch time.

Cas looked up from his tray and saw Jack Kline walking by, when their eyes met Jack faltered slightly enough to go un-noticed but Cas caught it. Jack looked away and walked faster with his head down past the table and sat down with Sam Winchester, a very tall, long haired, pretty boy who was also as nice as could be, he could make friends with anyone and held his own, he wasn’t part of any clique but knew them all just the same.

“You okay Cas?” Charlie asked.

“Yea, why?”

“Come on, don’t play that with me, I can read you like a book”

“Yes, I’m fine, can we not bring this up”

“Aww Clarence, sad you’re not the angel you once were?” Meg chimed in.

“I told you I hate that nickname. You know what, I’ve lost my appetite” Cas said with annoyance in his voice and got up to ditch the tray and walk out of the cafeteria.

Charlie elbowed Meg and gave her a scowl.

“What? He can’t take a joke?”

“That was a jab and you know he still feels bad about what happened”

“Whatever” Meg rolled her eyes.

 

Cas splashed water on his face trying to cool down. He knew he’d have to face Jack at school. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gone to that stupid party. He looked in the mirror as he remembered the events of that night.

~ _Charlie convinced him to go to a house party this past summer, everyone from school was there. It was at Michael and Gabriels house, the jock and the class clown. Their parents were out of town and they had an older brother who stocked the house with booze. It started out okay, fun even._

_He took a couple shots with Charlie trying to blend in. Then she mingled her way through the people leaving him by himself. He found an open seat on a couch and just kinda took everything in, plus his buzz was kicking in. Cas doesn’t drink so he’s a light weight. There was someone in the chair next to where he was sitting, he looked over, it was Jack._

_“Hello Jack”_

_“Hi Castiel” He said shyly._

_“You come here with anyone?”_

_“Yes, Kaia dragged me here but she’s busy” he chuckled and motioned to a corner._

_Cas looked over seeing her lip locked with a boy he doesn’t have classes with. He had spiked green hair and chains draped sporadically on his clothes._

_“Me too, Charlie is over there” She was flirting with Meg, they watched right as she tucked strands behind Megs ear and slid her hand down her shoulder and arm._

_“We were totally ditched” Cas said with a smile as they laughed._

_“You want a beer Jack?”_

_He seemed hesitant. “Um, yes”_

_Cas got up and Jack watched him move through the crowd. He liked Cas, always thought he was nice. He couldn’t help noticing Cas looked good wearing a form fitting dark blue shirt and light jeans hugging his butt and shape of his legs, so different from how he looks at school._

_Cas brought back two bottled beers handing one to Jack. This was Jacks first beer. He took a swig and did his best not to make a face at the taste._

_By the third drink it was going down smoothly. They talked and laughed about everything. It was exciting, they smiled together and kept catching the others looks and giggled after eye contact._

_“It’s hot in here, you wanna go outside for a minute? Cas asked._

_“Yea, okay” Jack followed Cas as he lead the way through the kitchen to the sliding doors._

_There was patio furniture and low lighting around the walk out deck. It was nice and well kept, the parents were well off. Surprisingly no one else was out there. It was quiet even with the music from inside just barely leaking out. Cas took a sip of his almost empty beer. He saw the gazebo across the yard, he smiled and looked at Jack._

_“Come on, let’s go check it out” he said enthusiastically as he started to run through the yard with Jack quickly taking cue and running with Cas._

_They leaped onto the platform and laughed some more. The gazebo faced a lake. They both leaned on the railing to look at the water and watch the ripples. The breeze felt lovely as it lightly blew through Cas’s hair, he closed his eyes and focused on breathing the cool air._

_He swayed a little moving his arm over keeping his balance, he felt Jacks skin against his after he moved. Cas opened his eyes and turned to face Jack. Cas normally isn’t a forward person but after drinking liquid courage he feels bold and Jack is cute._

_He pressed his chest to Jacks arm and shoulder as his hand laid on his forearm. Jack stood still not sure what to do but wanted the touch, his heart was beating faster from being nervous and excited at the same time. Cas leaned in and kissed Jacks cheek. When he didn’t object Cas kissed closer next to the corner of his mouth. Jack turned slightly, Cas paused so close before slowly meeting their lips. He led the movement as Jack matched the massaging glide of his soft lips with Cas’s._

_It felt good and both inexperienced teens were quickly stimulated. Cas wrapped his arm around Jacks waist pulling him in. Very aware of chests touching and stomachs getting gentle bumps, Jack felt a pull low in his body. He tensed holding it back but loved the feeling. Cas pushed his tongue inside and their teeth clinked, Jack reached his tongue searching for Cas’s, it was sloppy at first but when their tongues rubbed together they got it down and enjoyed the warm wetness and taste. Caught up in the moment and new sensations they didn’t hear several of the jocks walk up in full view getting a make out show. They waited a minute or two then started howling and hooting._

_“Get it Cas! Yea boy! Pick that cherry!” Michael hollered._

_Jack pulled away so fast Cas was grasping at nothing. Jack tried to run past the boys taunting them but they were blocking him. They moved when Jack jerked and put his hand over his mouth. He didn’t get far before he started throwing up in the yard._

_Michael and his friends laughed at Jack puking his guts up. Cas was horrified witnessing Jack being bullied and made fun of. He ran up to Michael and shoved him._

_“What’s wrong with you!” Cas shouted._

_“I’d re-think this if I were you Castiel”_

_“You are a spoiled, good for nothing ass hole!” Cas yelled and punched Michael in the face._

_It was a good hit but Michael stayed standing and clocked Cas hard launching him to the ground, face in the grass. His head was spinning as he tried to roll over but could only lay on the lawn seeing spots._

_“That’s what I thought, I don’t want to see you and “Jack the heaver” here again or next time it will be worse” Michael warned._

_They walked away leaving the two humiliated boys on the ground. What was the best night of summer had just turned into the worst night ever. When Cas gained his balance back he sat up and Jack was gone. They didn’t speak again after that party.~_

The bell rang bringing Cas back to the present. He took a breath and sighed.

The next class was history, unlike most Cas enjoys it and finds it fascinating so he is glad to have one subject to genuinely look forward to. Little did he know his last class was going to rattle his entire world.

 

The time passed quickly since he was dreading that last one. Walking into the gym he made his way to the locker room. He understood the point of gym clothes but the ritual was a strange thing to him. The group of kids undressing together, the atmosphere feeling a little too personal but having to ignore it, getting into the school colored shirt and shorts that flattered none of them. He imagined the process was worse for the girls, more judgment and competition to look a certain way.

Most of the other teens were in grades below him. There were only two other seniors in the class, probably needing the credit requirement like himself no doubt.

Everyone was chatting while waiting for the teacher to show up. After a few minutes a long whistle blow had each head snapping to attention in the direction of it.

The man was wearing a white collared track shirt showing is muscled arms and red track pants with a white stripe down the legs. His hair was sandy and styled disheveled mostly to one side. His face was stunning with his defined light scruff jawline, full lips, and the most unbelievable vibrant green eyes.

“Listen up! I am Mr. Winchester. You do what I say and there won’t be any problems! You don’t, well, you’ll be logging lots of miles. Miles and miles”

“Okay drill sergeant” Sam snarked.

“That includes you Sammy. Now get up and give me two laps for that remark”

Sam rolled his eyes and a few voices laughed.

“HEY!” He shouted and blew the whistle again making the teens hush.

“Now Sam!”

“You can’t be serious Dean” Sam whined.

“I am, get to it, and it’s Mr. Winchester in class” Dean said giving one raised brow with a downward glare telling Sam he meant business.

Sam clenched his jaw but knew his brother could embarrass him further after that look so he got up and started jogging.

“Looks like my bro expected a pass, learn from this people. Now, while he’s prancing like the clydesdale he is, let’s do roll call”

He names off half the class before he gets to Cas.

“Castiel?”

He doesn’t hear him say his name. He is watching the hypnotizing lips move and has been listening to the deep, rich, smooth voice like music to his ears but not registering a single word.

“Castiel Novak?”

He only snaps out of it when he is nudged by Ash, the only kid probably ever to proudly sport a mullet.

“He’s calling your name man” Ash whispered.

Cas blinked back to reality.

“Last call for Castiel” Dean says louder.

“Uh...umm...here” Cas said and raised his hand briefly.

Dean looked at him locking on to very blue eyes.

“Pay attention kid” he said then checked his clipboard for the next name.

The class passed in a blur. Unlike other gym teachers, Mr. Winchester did everything with the class. All the exercise warm ups and even joined the dodge ball game alternating sides giving the teens pointers to improve their technique.

He is very observant and aware, as soon as anyone thought he was distracted helping another student and tried any silly business he blew his whistle and sent them running laps.

Cas didn’t care for sports and wasn’t good at them either. He was standing awkwardly further back. Mr. Winchester walked over and stood next to him. Cas felt the power of his presence engulf him. He leaned down to the side just enough to speak near Cas’s shoulder.

“You see Gordon over there? I want you to wait for him to get a ball. When he does, go to the front, he will target you”

“You want me out?” Cas asked.

“Out? No way, you’re getting him out. He’s going to launch at you but all you gotta do is crouch down when he does so you catch the ball in that stance”

Cas looked at Mr. Winchester’s face. He smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“Trust me Castiel, you got this” He walked to the side getting out of the court.

Cas didn’t realize he was holding his breath. Okay, just do what he said and it should be fine. He watched and saw Gordon grab a ball. He jogged to the front and Gordon laughed seeing his easy target just present himself. He slung the ball just as expected and Cas caught it just like he was instructed to. Gordons face dropped.

Mr. Winchester blew his whistle. “Out!” He yelled.

Cas had a huge grin on his face. He turned smiling at the handsome teacher. When he did, three balls nailed him at once. He didn’t care. He never got anyone out before so he was still happy he did it. He walked over to the side.

“We gotta work on your attention buddy. Good start though” Mr. Winchester said.

 

Class was over quicker than it seemed. Cas changed fast and got out. He walked home feeling good about his first day. Maybe Charlie is right, this could be his year.


	2. Chapter 2

The first month of school flew by. It was an unexpected thing and for Cas even more unbelievable that his favorite class was gym and he knew he looked forward to it more than he should. Mr. Winchester got him involved in every activity and Cas would sometimes take initiative just to hear Mr. Winchester cheer him on or get a chance to have one on one guidance. He would admire the brawny teacher so much that often he was caught gazing at him. When those green eyes narrowed on him he would quickly look away and fail horribly at not being obvious.

Cas had been sticking to walking home, it’s usually a peaceful walk, but this day he got a weird feeling. He heard footsteps behind him, getting closer. Michael and two of his friends were following him. He hoped they would just pass him by but that was too easy. Michael grabbed at Cas’s backpack.

“Just leave me alone” Cas said trying to keep walking but was pulled back.

They surrounded him with Michael pinning him to the brick building.

“What are you gonna do if I don’t?” 

Michael had his face too close, his arm digging across his chest.  
Cas turned his face squeezing his eyes shut bracing himself for the worst. 

A loud engine rumbled up the street. It purred loudly when it stopped to idle near the hostile teens. 

“Got a problem here gentlemen?” The voice yelled over through the passenger window. 

Michael instantly released Cas turning to face the sleek black muscle car seeing Mr. Winchester.

“No sir, all good here” Michael said.

“Good, because it looked like you needed a lesson in manners. Cas, sorry I’m late, let’s get going” 

Cas scurried over and got in the car.

“I’ll be around boys!” Mr. Winchester said sounding like a promise. The car peeled put with a roar.

“Thanks Mr. Winchester” Cas said kind of embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it kid, those guys are always trouble. And you can call me Dean in the real world” He smiled and winked at Cas.

“Thanks....Dean” Cas said instantly smiling. 

He quickly noticed Dean looked very different outside of class. He was wearing a leather jacket, an army green collared shirt not buttoned, a black tee shirt exposed, bringing his eyes out more if that’s even possible, and jeans. He always looks like he stepped out of a magazine and this car, wow.

“So, where can I drop ya off? You goin home?” 

“Yes, it’s on Chestnut Street”

“Awesome, that’s very close to school”

“Yea”

“How are your classes going so far Cas?”

“Okay, I like history. The others are tolerable. I like your class the best” 

“Of course you do” he laughed and what a beautiful sound his laugh is.

“I do, honest. I didn’t want to take gym but you make it fun” 

“Now you just might be my favorite student” 

Cas could feel his cheeks blushing. 

“You got any hobbies you like?”

“I sketch, a lot” 

“Art huh, I figured you’ve got some hidden talent. Show me sometime okay”

Cas smiled and nodded.  
“It’s that house with the red car” he pointed and Dean pulled up parking in the driveway.

“You be careful Cas, I’ll see you tomorrow” 

“Bye Mr., um, bye Dean” He said getting out. Dean waited until Cas was inside before driving away.

***  
A couple weeks later it’s Saturday early evening. Cas is hanging around the house when his phone rings, it’s Charlie.

“Hello Charlie”

“Cas, what are you doing right now?”

“Nothing really”

“Good, I’m picking you up in an hour, be ready” She hung up. 

Charlie is his best friend, they’ve always been there for each other and they accept each one as they are. She is just more outgoing than he is. But she does bring him out of his shell and bring out his quirky side. 

She pulled up in her yellow bug. Cas was watching for her, he walked out as she parked. He got in the passenger side.

“Ready to have some fun?!” 

“What are you getting me into this time?” He joked with a smile.

“An orgy” 

Cas looked at her face full of seriousness. He blinked several times. 

“Um... I...what??”

She bust out laughing.  
“Oh my god your face was priceless” she slapped her thigh.

“Ha ha, very funny. Pay back’s a bitch, just remember that” 

“Oh Cas, gimme your worst. Let’s go” she laughed a little more.

“Don’t get mad but we’re going to Megs” 

“Really Charlie? Her and I clash so bad. I know you guys have a thing and it’s cool but she’s a bit much”

“Hear me out, yes I do like her, a lot Cas. She wants to get to know you better, just give her a chance. I really want my guy and my girl to be friends” She gave him a pouty lip.

“Okay fine, I’ll try, for you” 

“Yay! We’re gonna have fun I promise” 

It wasn’t a huge crowd this time, Cas was glad for that and no jocks so even better. Ash and Garth were there, they are always entertaining without trying, and Jo, a pretty blonde who is sweet as can be unless crossed. 

Charlie was right, Meg was tolerable and dare he say fun to be around this time. She showed another side he guessed normally is for Charlie. Cas knows now why she connected with Meg and that made him feel better knowing his best friend has something good going. 

They played some drinking games, a few used the karaoke machine, and Cas joined in on the Just Dance game for xbox. It was a fun night with fun people. As it got later the excitement was slowing down. Meg and Charlie had snuck off at some point, Ash was trying to swoon Jo, and Garth was passed out on the floor sitting against the wall.

Cas was feeling light as feather and giddy. At least he’s a happy drunk. He gets hot with alcohol in his system though. He went out the back door to get some air. There’s a couple lawn chairs out there. Laying down sounded great. He clumsily sat down and laid back. Looking up he saw the dark sky filled with stars. He wished he could touch one. His eyes started feeling heavy, his head turned to his shoulder facing the backyard. He was about to drift off when his vision caught sight of the car parked across the street. He perked up instinctively. It was Deans car, he’d never mistaken it. 

He could see a light was on through the window of the house, it wasn’t too late maybe 11 or so. He walked up to the door and knocked. After a minute the door opened and Dean was looking at him confused.

“Cas? What are you doing here?”

“H-Hi Dean, I saw your car and figured you live here”

“Um yea, but how did you get here Cas?”

“From over there” he pointed to Megs house.

“Cas are you okay?”

“I’m great, I’m happy you’re here D-Dean” he hiccuped at the name.

“Are you drunk?”

“Only a little” he laughed holding his fingers up looking through a small space he made between them.

“Can I come in Dean?” 

“What about your friends? Shouldn’t you be hanging out with them?” Dean was trying to get out of this situation.

“They don’t know I’m gone, I think they locked me out” They didn’t but he didn’t want to go back.

Dean felt conflicted. His guard seemed to go down with Cas. He knew he didn’t show it but there is something about the teen that makes him enjoy his presence more than he should. Tonight is definitely not good for a drunk Cas to be at his door after he has also been drinking. At the same time he didn’t want to turn him away if he really was stuck outside. 

“Okay but just until you sober up and I can get you home” Dean said stepping back to let him in. 

Cas walked in and saw the TV was on, he went over and plopped on the couch. 

“What are you watching?” He asked and saw the bottle of liquor on the end table, he picked it up and took a big swig then coughed after swallowing it.

“Hey! Hands off the bottle, damn”  
Dean said snatching it and putting it out of sight. 

Cas was un-phased, he just sat back and watched the screen. Dean sat down on the other end of the couch.

“This is Dr. Sexy, I will change it”

“No! I want to watch it” Cas said.

“Okay then” he chuckled a little watching Cas still surprised he was even there.

After a couple episodes played Cas looked at Dean, he was still sitting up but slumped down and sleeping. Cas moved over right next to him. His face is so relaxed and his features are just as mesmerizing. Cas reached his hand up and touched his fingertips above Deans brow, he slowly slid them to his temple, down his cheek, along his strong jaw, he stopped at his chin below the most beautiful full lips. He moved his thumb over the bottom lip and gently pushed in to pull it slightly down. Deans eyes opened and he grabbed Cas’s wrist holding it in place but away from his face. 

“Stop it Cas” he wanted to sound stern but it came out soft.

“I’m sorry Dean, you’re just, just so.....so pretty. I like you. I wish you had been my first kiss, your lips look amazing” 

“Wow, you are not shy at all like this are you” Dean said still holding his wrist.

Cas smiled and shook his head side to side with his bright blue eyes staying on Dean.

Damn if Cas was a few years older he would be showing him what he’s doing to him but he’s holding back.  
Cas leaned in but was stopped with a hand on his chest.

“Cas you’re drunk and I’m your teacher. You can sleep it off here but that’s it” he easily maneuvered Cas to lay down across the couch as he got up. He tossed a blanket over him.

“I’m going to bed, I’ll take you home in the morning”

“Sweet dreams Mr. Winchester. I hope mine are of you” 

“Oh boy” Dean sighed and kept walking to his room.

Needless to say that Dean had a fitful sleep that night.  
When he woke up in the morning though, Cas was gone.

 

***  
That Monday after class Dean felt like he should talk with Cas. He sat on the bleachers to wait for him to come out of the locker room.

“Castiel, can you come over here please” He said loud enough when he saw him. 

Cas walked over. “Yes Mr. Winchester?” 

“I’d like to give you a ride home today”

“Um, okay, sure” Cas said rubbing his arm feeling nervous.

“Wait here while I change, I’ll be right back”

Cas nodded and watched him go out of sight. Deans clipboard was laying on the bottom bleacher. Cas slid his backpack off and opened it looking through his things until he found a certain folder. He took out one page of thick paper and clipped it under the other papers and put the clipboard back. He waited a few more minutes then Dean was walking out in his leather jacket but with red and black shirts today.  
Cas followed him to the car silently and got in. Dean started it up and turned the music down before driving. 

“So, how much do you remember from Saturday night Cas?”

“Everything” he kept his eyes straight ahead.

“You remember coming to my house, trying to kiss me, and what you said?”

“Yes Dean. I meant what I said. I’m sorry” He fidgeted in the seat.

“Uh, it’s okay Cas. I mean it’s not, but I....” he trailed off. Dean is not one to get tongue tied but he’s all kinds of tripping searching for the right words. 

“Cas, this can’t happen okay, I’m 25, you’re 17, and as I said, I’m your teacher” 

“Are those are the only reasons?”

“What other reasons are there Cas?”

“You never said you don’t like me back, now, or that night” Cas can’t stop trying now that Dean knows, he feels such a connection to Dean and wants more.

Dean felt cornered by his own words. Cas was right and called him out. His mind is searching for words to shut this down but they won’t come.

“I had to tell you Dean. Nothing has felt so real to me than when I’m with you. Those other things do not matter to me. I won’t be 17 forever and you won’t be my teacher forever. But missing a chance, that is forever” There was a slight sadness in his voice but there it was, he put it all out there.

They were in front of Cas’s house now, the car parked.

“Bye Castiel” Dean said not looking at him. Cas got out saying nothing else. He watched Dean drive away.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean drove away feeling like his heart had been punched. Why did rejecting Cas feel so glum? He’s had other students have crushes on him before. This feels different. This is the first time he’s wanted to or felt the temptation to reciprocate. Cas made some valid points on the reasons but it would still be risky. He could get fired or worse if Cas’s parents went after him.  
“No, this is the right thing to do, stop questioning yourself” He thought aloud.

When he got home, he did a few things around the house then went into the garage to do maintenance on his Impala. Working under the hood usually helped take his mind off things. It didn’t work completely this time. He thought about Cas coming over just two nights ago. If he had parked his car in the garage like he usually does then this thing wouldn’t be out of hand. 

The more he thought about it the more he realized how much Cas had been giving all the subtle signs. He lit up around him, made reasons to be closer, the bashful laughs and frequent looks. It all added up to his confessed feelings. Then the feel of his touch on his chin and lip he remembers too well. Dean felt a flutter in his belly replaying the vision of Cas on his couch. He shook his head back to the present. He can’t get sucked in like this. 

The next morning he was getting ready for his first class. He has a schedule of activities for each one. He had a couple score sheets to add to his clipboard, he picked it up and lifted the current stack up to slide the others under it. When he did he noticed the bottom page he was holding felt different from the other papers, weird he even noticed that, but he took the page out anyway. Seeing what was was on the page had him full of admiration and warmth.  
It was a drawing of himself in his Impala, he was turned towards the passenger seat with one hand on the wheel and his other arm resting along the top of the seat. His face was fully smiling. Dean knew looking at this that it was Cas’s view of him from the first time he gave him a ride. The detail of the drawing was amazing, it looked like an actual photo. He captured Deans true smile that reached his eyes and the only color used in the drawing was green for his eyes. Dean was struck by the talent he didn’t know Cas possessed but at the same time he wasn’t surprised, Cas is gifted and shines above the rest and he doesn’t even know it.

The first group of teens started piling in the gym. He put the drawing back on the clipboard under his schedules. 

The next couple weeks went by slowly. Cas didn’t change around him during his class, he was still bright eyed and eager as usual. Dean treated Cas as he always did, the only change on his side was not giving him any extra focus no matter how much he felt his blue eyes on him. It wasn’t easy and he was probably kidding himself but he thought keeping it short and creating a distance would help Cas to lose interest. 

***  
Deans good friend Benny is also a teacher at the high school, he told Dean about the job opening when the other guy got canned. After what felt like a particularly long week Benny asked Dean to meet up for drinks to unwind. They haven’t had a chance to visit yet since starting the year off.

Benny got there first and grabbed a spot for them at the bar. When Dean came through the door he waved him over.

“Hey man, how are ya? Dean asked as he sat on the stool beside his friend.

“Bout time brother. I took the liberty of ordering the first beers, here you are” Benny slid the bottle over.

“You’re a saint Benjamin” Dean took a swig.

“Come on now, none of that formal stuff” Benny laughed as Dean smirked.

So, how’s your class line up goin so far?” Benny asked.

Dean sighed before answering.  
“These kids man, it’s mostly like rounding up sheep who don’t want to be herded, except for Sammy and one student who actually tries”

“Who tries in gym class? No offense brother” Benny said.

Dean laughed. “Same to you Mr. Lafitte, last time I checked history doesn’t spark the teen brain either” 

“Well maybe, but one kid is acing it and it’s been a while since I’ve been impressed by assignments turned in” 

Dean remembered Cas saying he likes history.

“Castiel” Dean said, he didn’t need to ask.

“Yea, he’s the one. Quiet kid but knows his stuff” Benny said.

Dean smiled a little at himself knowing how Cas’s shyness can flip. He took another drink before Benny caught him in his thoughts.

“I don’t have Sam this year, how is he anyway?”

“He’s great, got a good future ahead of him. I’m having fun bustin his chops in class while I still can though, he gets so mad, I should probably reel it back some...maybe” They laughed and Dean was glad for the subject change.

“What are big brothers for if not for torment” Benny said shaking his head.

They stayed for a few hours talking, drinking, and just having fun. By the time Dean got home he was beat. He tossed his keys on a counter and grabbed another beer from the fridge, he didn’t need it but he thought what the hell, tomorrow is Saturday and he can sleep all day if need be. He sat on his couch relaxing back, taking a drink, enjoying the quiet. He looked at his end table and picked up the now framed drawing Cas left him. He wanted to hang it up but where? He held it in his hand looking it over, taking swigs while he admired the work of art. It made him feel tingly inside, he has a weak spot for Cas and he can’t even pin point when it happened, it’s like it was always there waiting for the blue eyed angel to show up.  
Dean sighed and laid the drawing back down. He got up to go crash in bed and turn off his head for the night. 

***  
Cas could tell Dean wanted his space. It didn’t go unnoticed that he was being short. He understood and wasn’t going to push his luck by bothering Dean and lose all interaction. He would rather have class time with Dean than nothing at all. Dean knows how he feels and there’s nothing else he can do, it’s in Deans hands now and if that’s where it ends he knows he tried.

He’d like to be hanging out with Charlie more right now but since she’s officially dating Meg he doesn’t like being the third wheel. She wouldn’t agree and would always drop anything if he needed her but he also can’t explain either. “Hey Charlie, I like Mr. Winchester but it’s complicated, how’s your day?” That should go well he thought to himself and shook his head. Nope, not a good idea. He will stick to some solitude for now, that is until he got home to see a second red car parked in the driveway, his mother’s. He thought it was silly for his parents to have the exact same car in every detail. But his parents never make much sense to him anyway and they are the worst possible match ever, he wonders how they were in love once or if they even were.

He reluctantly went inside and saw his mother sitting in a chair in the living room. Chuck was in his recliner and he already looked unhappy but forced a smile for Cas.

“Castiel, come here dear” Naomi said standing up. 

“Hi mom, glad you’re home” he lied through his teeth and gave her the expected hug. Of course he loves his mother but she’s a very cold person, controlling as well. 

“Go wash up and I’ll get you when it’s time for dinner, I want to hear how your studies are going” she gave a very business like smile.

“Yes mom” Cas couldn’t get to his room fast enough. He shut the door and sighed. 

Dinner was almost tolerable, he told Naomi the information she asked for and she nit picked his answers as always. He learned early to just agree with her, arguing was no use. When they were done Cas excused himself to go back to his room.

Naomi usually doesn’t stay in town long, she gets eager to get back to work and traveling. It’s been a week and a half, now a Wednesday night. Cas is over the fighting, tonight is the worst yet. Chuck decided to make his voice heard which only adds to the fire.

Cas can’t rest or anything with the shouting going on, he hates listening to them, especially hearing his mother belittle his father. It’s upsetting. He climbs out his window to stop hearing their voices, this will go on for hours. 

He just starts walking, his thoughts are bombarding him and he just wants to get away from the tense energy at home suffocating him. It felt like he walked all night, the cool air was comforting for a little while but he was now feeling tired. When he looked around to make note of where he was he realized he was on Deans street, just a few houses away. Knowing it wasn’t a good idea, he decided to go and knock on his door anyway. 

Dean came to the door checking through the peephole and sees Cas. He looked down and took a breath before opening the door. 

“Cas, you shouldn’t....” he trailed off not really wanting to finish what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry Dean, I...I didn’t mean to walk here. I um..” Cas started wishing he kept walking instead.

Dean could tell something was different, there was a sadness in those blue eyes and he looked exhausted.

“I will go” Cas said turning away. Dean quickly put his hand on Cas’s shoulder. 

Cas turned to face him again. Dean slid his hand down to the middle of his back and led him to come inside the house. 

Dean had Cas sit on the couch, he looked at him about to speak but seeing the beautiful boy with his head down and hands in his lap, he had no words. He felt the urge to comfort Cas and right there he gave in. Dean sat down next to him. A silent minute passed. Dean raised his arm and put it over Cas’s shoulders, his hand pulling him into his side and gently started rubbing his arm. Cas relaxed in the embrace resting his head on Deans shoulder, Dean felt the tension fall and secured him a little more. 

Cas let out a sigh of relief. Being near Dean made everything else disappear, all his focus and senses attune to the moment. The feel of Dean moving with his breathing, the sound of his breath so close, a strong but caring arm holding him, a soft touch along his arm. Cas leaned into him a little more and closed his eyes.

“Where did you walk from Cas?” Dean asked softly.

“Home”

“That’s gotta be 6 or more miles from here”

“Yea, I guess, I just kept going until I ended up at your door”

“You need rest for school tomorrow. I’m gonna get you a pillow and blanket, you are staying here tonight” Dean said moving to get up.

“You don’t have to do that Mr. Winchester. I know I’m not supposed to be here” 

“Yes you are” Dean ran a couple fingers through Cas’s black hair going behind his ear.  
Cas just looked at him not knowing what to say.

Dean got up and got the things placing them next to Cas.

“We will talk more in the morning, just rest now” Dean said giving him a pat on the arm before making his way to his bedroom.

Cas wasn’t sure what to think but he was where he wanted to be so that was enough for now. He will listen to what Dean has to say tomorrow and go from there. He took his shoes off placing them to the side, he stood up to take his pants and shirt off, folded them and put them on his shoes. He laid down in his boxers, covered up and was pretty much out when his head hit the pillow.

 

Dean woke up in the middle of the night, he looked at the clock and grumbled then slid a hand over his face. Some water sounded good so he got up and quietly went in the kitchen to get a glass.  
He took a few big gulps and topped it off again.  
He walked out into the living room standing at the hall and went over to check on Cas. When he got around in front of the couch, Cas looked up at him.

“Did I wake you?”

“I’m a light sleeper, it’s okay though” Cas said.

Dean bent down on his knees in front of Cas, he runs his hand through his hair again, a few times. When he stopped he left his hand on Cas’s jawline with his thumb softly caressing his cheek. Cas just kept his eyes on Dean.

“Are you okay Cas?” 

“I am now” he said with a small closed lip smile.

 

Dean leaned in a little closer.  
“I want to give you your kiss now” his voice low.

Cas’s heart sped up and he swallowed but gave a nod telling Dean it was okay.

“I’m going to give you your first second kiss” 

Dean moved slowly and pressed his lips to his. It was better than Cas imagined it would be. Dean had their lips lined up perfectly, he planted each kiss almost one at a time, lips kissing against his then slightly moving enough to feel them slowly separating but he pressed in before losing connection. Cas put his hand on Deans face but felt unsure and began pulling it away when Dean put it back keeping it there. Cas loved the feel of the light scruff and feeling Deans jaw moving while they kissed. 

Not wanting to take too much, Dean gave one last long slow kiss then pulled back and put their foreheads together. Cas’s body had a light tremble from the intense feelings running through him.

Dean kissed his forehead then looked him in the eye and said “Sweet dreams sweet Cas, mine will be of you” 

Cas couldn’t help the grin that spread on his face as he watched Dean walk away to go back to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas woke to the smell of bacon cooking. He felt rested even after sleeping on a couch, Deans couch. He smiled and stretched. He got up and put his clothes back on and walked into the kitchen seeing Dean at the stove, he had made a plate of bacon and was finishing up a stack of pancakes. He heard Cas walk in and looked over his shoulder and smiled at him.

“Good morning, you sleep okay? I know the couch isn’t the best” He said gathering the food to put on the table.

“It was perfect, everything is perfect” Cas said.

“Glad you’re easy to please” Dean chuckled.

“Dean?”

“Yea?” He pulled a chair out.

“Was last night a dream?” 

Dean stopped and took a few steps towards Cas. He took both Cas’s hands and brought them up to clasp around his neck as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist.

“Did it feel like a dream?” Dean asked, his face so close.

“Yes” Cas whispered.

Dean leaned in meeting their lips. Cas grazed his nails lightly up the back of Deans neck into his short hair. They pressed together a little tighter then Dean leaned back.

“Are you dreaming now?” Dean asked.

“If I am never wake me up” Cas smiled looking into green eyes.

“You’re too much mister....but don’t change a thing” Dean pecked his cheek and released him.

“Sit down and eat before this gets cold” Dean sat down too and poured them each some juice.

Cas needed to shower and get a clean pair of clothes so Dean was dropping him off at home first. On the ride over while Cas was looking out the window Dean reached over and took his hand in his and held it on the seat between them. He laced their fingers and rubbed his thumb over Cas’s. Dean glanced over giving his beautiful smile and Cas could feel his cheeks getting flushed. He smiled back and looked at their hands together. He was right, perfect.   
Dean pulled up putting the car in park. He squeezed Cas’s hand before letting it go.

“See you in class blue eyes” he said as Cas got out.

Cas bat his eyes and blew a kiss to Dean then shut the car door giggling as he ran to go inside. 

In class it was Cas who kept catching Dean looking at him now but Dean didn’t look away, he would sneak a wink or an eyebrow flash, and Cas thought he couldn’t enjoy this class any more than he already did, he was so wrong and glad for it.

That night when Cas was laying in bed, all he could think about was Dean. He grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of himself puckering his lips for a kiss. He texted it to Dean.

C- Miss you already, here’s a good night kiss 

D- Thinking of you too blue. Come over this weekend so I can kiss those lips ;)

Cas fell asleep with a smile on his face after that.

****  
Saturday couldn’t come fast enough, Cas was so excited to spend time with Dean that the next couple days seemed like weeks. He can’t be close or touch Dean or look too long in class, it’s agonizing.

Cas rode his bike over this time, it’s not too far for that like the walk was. He got butterflies in his stomach when Dean answered the door happily ushering him inside.

“So, I thought we could kick back tonight. I’ll order pizza and we can start Dr. Sexy from the beginning so you get caught up. What do ya say?” 

“I like that plan” Cas said giving a smile.

“Awesome. But first we need to talk. Come on let’s sit” 

Cas felt a little nervous, was Dean changing his mind? He sat with him on the couch hoping that wasn’t it. They were facing each other on the cushions, each with a leg bent to the side on the seats and their knees touching.

“Cas we have to be quiet about this....us” 

“I haven’t told anyone Dean, I promise”

“It’s just that what’s building between us is not accepted. I don’t know exactly what this is but I know I can’t fight it....and I don’t want to” Dean put a hand on Cas’s leg.

“That makes me happy Dean”  
Cas leaned in but Dean stopped him.

“Hold on Romeo, I’m serious. Do you truly want to do this? Everything will change”

Cas looked down at the hand on his leg, he placed his over it and looked in Dean’s eyes.

“It already has” Cas’s expression softened and his blue eyes seemed to shimmer.

“You’re all I think about. You’re the first thing I see when I open my eyes and the last thing I see before I close them. You spark all my senses, invade my soul with just a look. When I’m near you my heart pounds as if it could burst out of my chest. I believe it was fate I waited to take gym until you got there. I’m crazy about you in a way I never knew existed” he looked down at their hands waiting for Dean to freak out.

Dean was speechless and his chest felt tight. He reached over and gently raised Cas’s chin up giving him a knowing look. Dean kissed his lips passionately, no holding back, he let the feeling take over. Lost in the gliding connection, soft skin pressing back, noses rubbing into cheeks, they kissed wholeheartedly. When Cas ran his hands from Deans collar bones over his shoulders and up his neck, Dean pulled Cas onto his lap to straddle him. The kisses heated up, going slightly quicker, tongues massaging, breathing heavier. Dean effortlessly slipped his hands under Cas’s shirt, running his hands and fingertips up his back, pressing into his smooth skin. Cas gave small sounds from his throat as Dean touched him. He felt a frenzy rising, he drug his hands down Dean’s chest and kissed a trail to his neck and jawline. The feel and taste of Deans skin intoxicated him as he kept exploring that sexy neckline. He squeezed at Deans sides, so solid, his wondering hands slid up to his chest again this time he let his fingers rub lightly over the budding nipple, Dean dropped his head back letting out a sigh. Cas’s lips went to his ear and as soon as his lips pressed against him Dean felt a sensation from the heated breathing, he moaned and grabbed a fist full of Cas’s shirt.

“Cas, Cas, wait” he breathed out.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Cas whispered in his ear making him shutter.

Dean moved Cas to sit straight so he could see his face.

“You’re doing everything right, too right” 

Cas rubbed Deans forearm while he listened.

“I want you, damn do I want you Cas” he ran fingers through his black hair.  
“Let’s enjoy the beginning, I don’t want to skip anything with you, okay” Dean kissed his hand.

Cas moved off Deans lap and settled beside him putting his head on his shoulder and rested a hand on his thigh. Dean put his arm over his shoulder.

“I just want to be close to you” Cas said. He was also very aware of his swelling in his pants. He shifted trying to will it away but of course that wasn’t going to work.

Dean kissed Cas’s temple and wrapped his arms around him.

“Is this close enough?” He teased.

“For now” Cas said hugging back.

**  
Pretty soon they were spending more and more time together. Cas was going to Deans on school nights and the weekends were all theirs. Dean didn’t let Cas spend the night, he wanted to take it slow.

Cas would sit in the garage with Dean while he did maintenance or tune ups on his Impala. He loved watching him work. He would sketch him. It let him go over all of Deans stunning features in detail, Dean was a work of art himself. Cas could look at him forever and the sight would still take his breath away. 

Dean found a nice spot to star gaze. He would drive them there and leave the radio playing faintly while they lay on the hood watching the stars.

“If I could fly I would pick a star from the sky and give it to you Dean” 

“You are my star Cas. C’mere”  
Dean had Cas sit between his legs and lay back against him with his head next to his chin. 

“You sure you’re not an angel?”  
Dean said.

“I’m no angel but if I were I’d watch over you always”

“Kiss me angel” 

They spent a lot of nights under the stars declaring their feelings, exploring the sky and each other, many hours kissing in the moonlight. Like a dream.

**  
Another month had flown by and it was another weekend Cas still couldn’t wait for. They had went to see a movie and went back to the house after. Dean was feeling spunky tonight, he turned on the stereo in the living room, Eye of the Tiger was playing, he cranked it up and started dancing.   
Cas laughed shyly when Dean danced over to him taking his hand to have him join.   
They laugh and play, jumping around swinging there hips and arms.   
Dean does air guitar and Cas starts banging his head with drum motions. They are all over the living room being silly.

Then a slow song came on. Cas was still giggling from playing. He looked at Dean and he was zoned in on him. He walked up close putting an arm around his waist pulling him in taking his hand. Dean dips him watching how easily Cas curves back. He brings him up and gives him a kiss on the lips then begins swaying them, their eyes taking each other in. Cas loves the way Dean moves effortlessly. Dean holds Cas’s hand, he spins him out and back into his chest. They pause at the contact looking at each other.  
Cas raises his arms straight up looking at Dean from under his lashes, his blue eyes full of want. Dean bit his bottom lip and lifted Cas’s shirt up and off over his head. Cas’s smile felt lustful with his pupils blown wide wanting more of Dean. He grabbed Deans shirt and tugged it up until Dean let him snag it off and toss it aside. They embraced again feeling their bare chests and torsos touch. Cas was rubbing Deans muscled arm with one hand, his chest with the other. Dean had an arm around Cas, his other hand running down his rib cage then to his hib bone right at his belt line. They paused again meeting their eyes and all control was lost. They melded their lips together, Dean picked Cas up as he wrapped his legs around his waist locking his ankles. Dean carried him to the bedroom, the kissing never stopping and Cas grabbing at him tighter. 

Dean laid them across the bed, his hip pressing into cas, his leg going between his legs as he created friction slowly gyrating against him. Cas was hard even before having Dean over him, this was making him throb almost painfully.  
Dean pushed against him again, Cas threw his head back. Dean took the opening and kissed his fully exposed neck, he moved down going along the line in the middle of his chest. He kissed and licked his way down, Cas was breathing rapidly, his belly dipping with each exhale. Deans lips got to his pants, he kissed the skin while he unbuttoned them, then the zipper went down. Cas was souring, he was afraid of bursting before Dean could do any more.  
He couldn’t slow his breathing or calm himself, it was too much.   
Dean shimmied the jeans down, then the boxers. Cas’s throbbing cock waved free, his sighs got louder. Dean wrapped his hand around him and Cas involuntarily jumped and shivered, his breath catching in spasms.  
Dean took notice quickly.

“Cas” He said in a low gentle voice. 

Cas creased his brows but didn’t open his eyes, still breathing heavy.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked. 

He let go and moved beside him touching their heads looking at the ceiling while Cas breathed rapidly waiting to gain composure. 

“I want it to be you Dean. Please. Make me yours” 

He placed a hand on Deans face pulling him closer to kiss his cheek. He kicked off his pants the rest of the way and put a leg over Deans side pulling him close again. 

Dean kissed back softly, he stopped and just looked at the beautiful face looking back at him. He started combing through his hair, watching his fingers smooth messy locks back.

“Cas, you have to be sure about this baby. It doesn’t have to be now. I will wait for you because I...” 

“You what Dean?” 

“I love you” He kept combing through silky hair.

“Make love with me Dean. I want to. Nothing else matters, just you and me” 

Cas kissed Deans neck, nibbed at his ear, kissed and licked over his ear. Dean sighed out. With his lips touching Cas whispered “I love you too”

Dean quickly moves Cas to lay on his back. He kisses over his chest, kisses, licks and sucks on each budded nipple. Cas is already squirming and moaning softly. Dean continues moving down, over his ribs, he kisses his sexy hip bone then kisses a line across to the second, Cas’s breathing hitches at the feel of Deans perfect lips and his chin grazing on his skin.   
Dean wraps his hand around Cas’s hard cock again, he slowly strokes up and down and takes the head in his mouth, his tongue sliding over the slit and around the entire tip. Cas grips the sheets moaning louder. Dean bobs slowly taking him in further as he goes, getting his length completely wet. He makes the tip nudge at the back if his throat. Cas’s body tremors with intense pleasure, his hips trembling involuntary. Dean speeds up, taking him in, using his tongue, his hand gliding with twisting strokes below his lips. Cas whimpers giving beautiful sounds.   
Dean feels the pulsing start, Cas throws his head back, grips tighter, his body tensing, his release spurts out in waves. Dean is milking every bit of come from his cock. When he’s done Dean takes his mouth off him and lines Cas’s cock up close to his lips. He lets the come mixed with his saliva fall slowly out drizzling it over the tip, he empties the entire load in a thin stream coating Cas’s length and dripping over his balls down to his ass. Cas is so wet everywhere between his legs. 

“D-Dean, you didn’t stop.... before I came. Why did..”

“Do you trust me baby?”

“Yes, but” he breathed out.

“I had to get you warmed up. I’m going to make your first time perfect, I promise”

Dean stood up and stripped off his jeans and boxers. Cas watched with fascination, Dean has a terrific body, how is he real?  
He crawled back on the bed and spread Cas’s legs.

“Lay back baby, I’m going to get you ready”

Dean first ran his hand along Cas’s thigh, planting kisses up his inner leg. He spread his legs wider and slid his thumb over his hole. Cas clenched and sighed out.

“Yea baby, this is going to feel so good, try to relax”

He began rubbing his thumb in circles over the sensitive skin, just on the outside, the wetness letting him glide smoothly over the pink hole. He slicked a finger and dipped it slowly inside. He watched Cas as he moved it around, he’s so tight. He pulled the finger out and sucked it then pushed back in with a second finger stretching the opening. Cas’s hole grasped around them. Dean was pushing at different angles and gently scissoring around. His cock twinged and started aching for the virgin hole. He didn’t rush though. He worked Cas open with three fingers. Cas was hard again and he was lifting to fuck himself on the intruding fingers. Dean strummed the bundle of nerves lightly making Cas a mess. 

“Dean I’m ready, please!” He huffed out.

He pulled his fingers out and got closer. He slid them over Cas’s cock getting them slippery to slick his own length with the first layer of release. He laid over Cas and kissed him tenderly. Cas put his legs on the back of Deans thighs and caressed at his back. Dean lifted and kissed the teens forehead then looked at his face, locking their gaze. 

“Keep your beautiful blue eyes on mine baby” 

Cas nodded and put his hands on Deans sides. Dean lifted up slightly to grab his dick and line it up to Cas’s hole. He rubbed the tip on it teasing just a little and the contact felt so good. He pushed the head in slowly and Cas dug his nails into Deans skin. He grunted and stilled, after a couple breaths he continues to push himself in. He can feel each ring of muscle tightening and relaxing to let him in. Cas’s face scrunches up and he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Look at me baby, keep looking at me. It’s just me and you, we are one now” Dean said in a sultry voice.

Cas looked back Dean, his brows furrowed and making a series of expressions and taking deep breaths. Deans face was soft, he placed a kiss on Cas’s nose, then his cheeks, and gave him a comforting smile. Dean felt him relax underneath him. Cas grabbed Deans face pulling him in for more passionate kissing. 

Dean starts moving slowly. With each thrust he feels Cas tightening around him, he moans out each time he bottoms out.  
The squeezing feels so good. He starts pushing inside steadily and harder. The tight wet heat is heavenly. He slows his pace. 

“Are you okay baby? Tell me how it feels” Dean said as he thrusts deeper.

“It hurts Dean, but in a different way,” 

“Do you want me to stop baby?”

“No, stay inside me, don’t stop” Cas said breathy.

“You feel so good baby, I want to come inside you”

“Fill me up Dean, I need you to”

“Come with me baby, I know you can”

“Yes Dean, yes” 

Dean builds up pushing inside Cas’s delicate hole, he pounds hard and fast. Cas starts screaming Deans name, he’s so full and raw and yet the penetrating wet burn has him so aroused and so close now. Dean keeps going, he feels the pull deep in his belly. They are both grunting and moaning out in intense pleasure. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming” Cas cries.

He spills his second orgasm between their bodies. Feeling Cas quiver with his release, Deans dick pulses as he comes hard inside the tight space, thick ropes pouring out. He pushes in until he is empty of his seed. He lays over Cas as they both pant heavily together riding the high of satisfied gratification.

Dean slowly pulls out and lays on his back rolling Cas with him to lay at his side with his head on his chest. He kissed Cas and held him tight. Cas clung to him.

“I really do love you Cas”


	5. Chapter 5

Cas spends every Saturday at Deans now. They are lounging and watching a movie. Dean is stretched across the couch with Cas laying over his chest using Deans thighs as arm rests. Dean is lightly combing his fingers through Cas’s hair.

“Don’t fall asleep, okay” Dean said.

“Why? I like it right here” Cas said as he nuzzled his head into Dean’s chest. 

Dean wrapped his arms around him and gave a gentle squeeze.

“You’ve been sleeping over a lot love, should you stay at home a little more?”

“You don’t have to worry Dean, my dad doesn’t stay sober long enough to notice if I’m there or not”

Cas turned over on his stomach facing Dean, he pulled up Deans shirt and started kissing his chest. Dean naturally slid his hands on the small of Cas’s back.

“Don’t you want me to stay?” He said pushing his hips into Dean. 

Dean lifted Cas’s chin up to look at his beautiful face and into his true blue eyes. 

“I never want you to leave angel”

Dean kissed him softly. He sat them up and stood taking Cas’s hand. He led them to his bedroom. He pulled Cas’s shirt off and his own. His hands slid slowly over Cas’s shoulders, up his neck then cupped his face. He kissed him more, so slow and soft, perfectly melding together. Cas ran his hands down Deans back and around to undo his pants, he broke the kiss to pull them down and Dean let him and stepped out of the jeans kicking them away. He did the same to Cas so they are both naked. Deans eyes love going over Cas’s beautiful body, he can’t imagine ever getting used to it.   
“Lay down baby, I want to feel you” 

Cas stretched out on the bed and Dean got beside him and pulled him close. They cuddled and touched for hours, feeling miles of skin over and over. 

***  
A few days later Cas woke up feeling nauseous for the fourth day in a row. He knew he hasn’t felt well but thought he was just getting sick. Now he’s not so sure. He’s staring at the pregnancy test he got a couple weeks ago when he started feeling off. He felt silly buying it but now he’s waiting for the results, biting his nails. This feels like the longest three minutes of his life. Why did his excitement have to override even a moment of thinking to use protection with Dean. He had no idea if he was in the group of guys who have the carrier gene to be able to get pregnant. He hoped he wasn’t but hasn’t gone to find out for sure, didn’t feel the need to know until now.......after it’s too late. He looked at the timer he set on his phone for the hundredth time, five seconds left. The buzzer sounded, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Holding the test, he looked and his fate was sealed. Two pink lines. Positive. Pregnant.   
His heart dropped, stomach turning, fear overflowing inside him. A panic attack made him start hyperventilating. Tears trailed down his cheeks. The test dropped to the floor as he put his face in his hands and cried.   
“No......no......no.....I can’t....” he said between sobs.   
He still has to go to school no matter how much he wants to skip, he has to pretend everything is okay. He checked the time and decided he can get a shower in, maybe that will help him relax a little bit, but he cried through the shower and while he got ready. Once he focused on breathing he was finally able to calm down so he washed his face again and headed out, it was sure to be a long day. 

He was able to fake his way through his classes, even gym which was so much harder to pretend around Dean. 

By the time he got home he was exhausted. He went straight to his room to lay down. He hugged an extra pillow and brought his knees up close to his chest curling into himself. He just laid there until he fell asleep. At some point he thought he heard his phone buzz but he didn’t care. Tonight he wanted to disappear and not think about anything.

**  
Dean noticed Cas was acting funny, he has become too good at reading all his lovers’ cues and quirks, but he let it go for now, he trusts Cas to open up when he’s comfortable. Even when he got no response when he checked in on him that evening he didn’t want to push. When the end of Friday rolled around he caught Cas before he left and made sure he still wanted to come over the next day. He seemed like his upbeat self and said he did but he rushed to leave at the same time.   
Dean didn’t text him that night and didn’t hear from Cas but did on Saturday. 

C- I’m sick Dean, I can’t come over so I don’t get you sick too.  
I love you 

D- I wish you’d let me take care of you angel but get some rest, I’m missin you and love you baby

It was the first time he lied to Dean and he hated it. He spent the weekend doing nothing but thinking about what to do and coming up with no answer.

***  
Cas feels like a zombie, this week is even worse from all the worry and fear taking him over. He’s just going through the motions. He’s in history class right now and Mr. Lafitte sounds like a teacher in Charlie Brown, until he hears his name said from the teacher.

“I’m disappointed in the test scores of last weeks test, I know you can do better. I need you kids to study, if you need help that’s what I am here for”

Benny was trying his best at a pep talk but the class looked so uninterested.

“Only a few of you barely passed. Castiel was the only one to get 100 percent”

“You banging the history teacher too for A’s Cas?” Someone blurted out. 

Cas’s mouth dropped but he quickly looked at who said it, one of Megs friends. He was fuming. He felt his face heat up and his jaw clenching.

“You, see me after class. No more disruptions or it’s the principals office” Benny said pointing at Raphael.

“I’m going to allow a retest this time. Take it seriously” 

He sat down at his desk. He looked at Cas and felt bad for him but also worried about the rumors circulating of him and Dean could be true. 

When the bell finally rang Cas stormed out as fast as he could. Charlie was following him after witnessing the humiliating moment. She called after him but he kept going and went into the bathroom. She didn’t care and went right into the boys bathroom after him anyway.   
Cas was already in a stall, just sitting in there crying silent tears.  
Charlie leans against the sink counter.

“Cas? I saw you come in here” she said softly.

“I’m fine Charlie, you should get out of here” his voice cracked a little.

“Cas, I know about you and Mr. Winchester.”  
“I saw you at his house through the window, dancing and kissing”  
She said quietly.

Cas couldn’t stop his sobs from being heard now.

“I didn’t tell anyone but I think Meg did, I couldn’t stop her from seeing too. I’m sorry Cas”

He’s trying to be quiet but he knows his breathing and sniffling is giving him away.

“Cas? Please say something” her voice sounds sad.

“Charlie....it’s worse...I’m...” his voice is so shaky.

“What Cas? I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything”

He opened the stall and she instantly dropped to her knees in front of him taking his hands in hers. 

“I’m pregnant” he said closing his eyes as his body shook from crying harder. 

Charlie wrapped her arms around him rubbing his back and whispered to him. 

“It’s okay Cas, it’s going to be okay, I’m going to help you”

“I’ve missed you so much Charlie, I wanted to tell you so many times but I was afraid. I’m so scared” he cried into her shoulder.

“I know, I know, it’s okay” 

She held him until he moved back first. His eyes still spilling over. She kissed his hand and grabbed some tissue to wipe away his tears. 

“Listen to me Cas, are you listening?”

“Yes” he looked back at her.

“Have you told Dean yet?”

He just shook his head no.

“We are skipping the rest of the day, I’m taking you to get checked out”

“But...”

“I’m not taking no for answer”

She stood and held out her hand.  
Cas trusted her and took her hand following her lead. 

The car ride was quiet at first. 

“My aunt can see you, she’s discrete and no one will know, I promise” she said.

“I don’t want her to think less of me Charlie, are you sure I should go to her?”

“Castiel, you know better, she would never judge you. There’s no one else I’d trust more to help”

They get to the clinic and Cas is looking at the building. He feels Charlie’s hand go over his in his lap making him look over at her.

“We’re just going to make sure you’re okay Cas”

He looked back at the door.

“I know. I feel like Dean should be here”

A tear ran down his cheek.

“We can get him here, it’s all your way, remember that”

“No, I’m not ready to tell him. I just feel guilty or sad or confused. Charlie I don’t know what I’m doing”

“Breath Cas, stop thinking, stop. What matters right now, in this moment, is that you and the baby are okay. This is the first step. Everything and everyone else can wait”

“Thank you Charlie” his expression relaxed a little even under his furrowed brows.

“Come on, let’s see how your little muffin is” she said before getting out. 

Inside Charlie filled out Cas’s information. They only waited a couple minutes before getting called back. The nurse took them to a room to wait for Charlie’s aunt, which wasn’t long either. 

“Hi beautiful girl, how’s my favorite niece?” Jody said going in for a hug.

“You know aunt Jody, that would be so much more meaningful if I wasn’t your only niece” she said.

Jody grabbed Charlie’s chin gently.  
“Well, it’s still true no matter what my darling girl” 

“Aunt Jody, you remember Cas don’t you?” Charlie said.

“Of course I do! Come here sweetheart” she pulled him for hug.

He forgot how affectionate Jody is but it’s comforting and her smile is infectious especially the way her nose crinkles sweetly.

“Hello Jody, nice to see you”  
Cas said rubbing his arm nervously after the hug.

“So Cas, why don’t you have a seat over here and we’ll see how your bundle is doing”

He awkwardly slid on the exam chair. Charlie went by his side. Jody got his vitals first then put some gloves on and turned on the ultrasound machine.

“Lift up your shirt sweetie” 

He did a little shakily.

“Don’t be uncomfortable dear, this is just gonna show us what’s in there” She gave him a wink.

She squirted some weird jelly stuff on his belly and he flinched from it feeling cold on his skin. 

“Sorry hun, I meant to warn ya. I’m gonna run this wand over your tummy okay”

Cas was tense but watching her every move. She gently pressed the end against his belly and stopped when what looked like some kind of window appeared on the screen.

“There you are” she said.

Cas grabbed Charlie’s hand and squeezed it. 

Jody pushed a button and a sound began emanating from the machine. 

“That’s the heartbeat, it’s perfect, everything looks perfect” Jody said.

Cas started crying, he covered his face quickly with his hands and fell apart.

“Oh sweetie, I know this is scary. I wish I could make it easier for you” Jody rubbed his leg. 

“I’ll let you have a moment with Charlie while I get some information and a few things ready for you okay honey?”

Cas couldn’t speak but shook his head yes to acknowledge her.

“Okay dear, I’ll be back” she said and walked out. 

Charlie was trying to comfort him but he needed air. He wiped his eyes and got up.

“I just want to go now, can we please leave?”

“Yea, let Jody get your stuff and we’ll get outta here”

When Jody came back she had a little bag for him. 

“Here you go darlin, I’ve got reading material for you that details your options and what to expect from here on out, some pre-natal vitamins and your babies first picture, an ultrasound photo for you. I know it’s a lot to take in but I will be here every step of the way” 

He took the bag of items and thanked her. She hugged him again and they were out the door after a few moments of saying goodbye. 

Charlie starts the car, turning some music on low. She drives off as Cas cracks his window for air.

“I don’t want to go home Charlie, can you drop me off somewhere else?”

“Uh, yea, do you want to come to my house?”

“I need to see Dean. I’ll tell you where”

“Okay Cas, whatever you want”

He guided her to their spot. He had sent Dean a text asking him to meet him there after he was done with school. Of course Dean said he would be there.

“Cas this is almost in the middle of nowhere. Are you sure you want me to leave you here?”

“Very sure, I enjoy it here. Dean will pick me up soon” he said showing her the text to ease her mind.

She gave him a hug before he got out.

“I’m here for you Cas, please tell me when you need anything, okay?”

“I will, thank you so much Charlie, you helped me so much today” he got out and waved her on.

“Peace out dude” she hollered out the window and drove away.

 

He looked around taking in the scene and the fresh air, it’s a relaxing place for him. He sits Indian style on the ground and from his bag he pulls out the ultrasound photo Jody gave him. With his elbows on his legs, he looks at the picture of the baby. He runs a finger over it, a new life inside him. He still can’t believe it’s real.

When he hears Deans car he slips it away in his bag. He stands up watching Dean park and get out. He can’t help but look nervous and fidgety.  
Dean walks up to him and stands inches in front of him.

“Are you okay Cas? I’m worried about you” Dean says running a hand down Cas’s arm.

Cas grabs him, hugging him tight and pressing his face in Dean’s chest. Dean embraces him back, lowering his head to fully envelope his love. Cas feels safe in Dean’s arms, he’s breathing in his scent, it’s soothing.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on angel?” Dean asks next to his ear.

“I will Dean but right now can we sit here together for a while? Not talk, just be next to each other? Please?”

Dean doesn’t argue or protest, he does exactly that for Cas. They sit on a bench holding hands in Deans lap, Cas rests his head on Deans shoulder as he’s pressed completely to his side. In this moment he feels safe and that somehow things will be okay, with them together.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas wasn’t sure how long they sat out there on the bench but the sun was starting to go down. 

“Dean, will you take me home with you now?”

“Let’s go baby” he kissed Cas’s head and they stood together and walked to the car. Dean opened the door for him before he got behind the wheel. Cas moved over to lean on Dean again for the drive, he needs the comfort he feels from him. Dean holds his hand rubbing his thumb over it while he steers with the other. 

They get to Deans house and go inside. Dean sits on the couch and Cas stands in front of him, looking in his beautiful green eyes. For a second his mind creates a thought telling himself he hopes their baby will look more like Dean, have his eyes, his freckles, his smile. 

“Come here angel” Dean said patting his hand on the cushion for Cas to sit.

Cas blinks back to what’s in front of him. Instead his sits on Deans lap straddling him and wrapping his arms around his neck.  
He starts grazing his nails lightly in Dean’s short hair. Dean closes his eyes at the feeling. Cas slides his hands to hold Deans face and leans in to kiss his lips. It’s soft, it’s passionate, It’s perfect, it’s a distraction. Dean pulls back and holds Cas’s shoulders keeping him inches from his mouth as Cas is still trying to keep them connected pulling at Dean.

“Wait Cas, you have to talk to me”

Cas moves off Dean and sits beside him silent.

“Cas, I’ve been very patient giving you distance and time. You gotta give me something, talk to me”

Cas sighed knowing he can’t keep the truth in any longer. He started fidgeting and rubbed at the back of his neck. He closed his eyes, took a breath.

“I’m pregnant Dean”  
He was looking at the floor not wanting to see Deans face right then.

“You’re....but.... how... I mean, you are able to be?...shit” 

Dean said as he thought about never using a condom with Cas and never even thought he might need to. How careless he felt of himself. 

His thoughts stopped when he looked back at Cas and saw tears running down his cheek. Dean reached over to cup his face and turn his face towards him. He placed a kiss to his quivering lips. 

“Don’t cry angel, it’s going to be okay. We made a baby together and we will do this together okay?”

“You’re not mad?” 

“No way, got me by surprise, yes, but I’m in this with you angel”  
Dean ran his hand through Cas’s messy raven hair.

Dean held his arm out and Cas cuddled against his chest in his embrace. Deans breathing and the sound of his beating heart from inside soothed him. 

“I’m scared Dean” Cas said quietly as more tears fell.

Dean began rubbing his back and put his other hand over Cas’s on his chest.

“It’s okay to be scared angel” he hugged him tighter.

”Come on baby, let’s get some sleep” 

xxx  
Dean woke up before his alarm, he turned it off and ran a hand over his face. Cas was sound asleep, face in his pillow and an arm draped over Dean. He looked too comfortable to wake and probably hadn’t slept well until now. Dean decided Cas should rest and take today off school as well, it’s Friday anyway. He still had to go but Cas could relax and lounge here without anyone bothering him. He slowly moved Cas’s arm and crept off the bed and out of the room to get ready.  
Before leaving he checked on Cas once more and saw he had sprawled out. Dean walked over to the side of the bed, he carefully bent down and pulled Cas’s shirt up exposing his flat belly. He put his ear to the skin and closed his eyes, his head moving with Cas’s breathing. 

Dean opened his eyes when he felt a hand running fingers through his hair. Dean met Cas’s eyes watching him with a sleepy, sweet, half smile on his face, he turned and kissed his belly then pulled his shirt back down. Dean whispered in Cas’s ear.

“Go back to sleep angel, I love you” 

He kissed Cas’s forehead and walked out. Cas slipped back to sleep easily.

xxx  
Dean would rather be cuddling and doting on Cas than be at work. He sighed as his first class gathered in. The day was already going slow but going at least. In between classes Dean checked his phone. He had a text from Benny.

B: Hey brother, I need to speak with you, not on school property 

D: Sure man, let’s meet up at the pub tonight 

Dean can guess what Benny wants to ask him about, Cas. It hasn’t been easy covering up and secrets always slip, even the smallest detail can be big. He wondered what details Benny had.

Dean stopped at home after the work day finally ended. He actually loved coming home to Cas, it made him feel whole.

Inside Cas was sitting on the floor between the couch and coffee table, in his own world sketching. He gave Dean a smile when he came into his view. 

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?”  
Dean asked.

“Good, I like it here most, I missed you though” he said getting up to hug on Dean.

It felt nice, they got caught up in caressing and kissing until Dean stopped them before he couldn’t stop if it got too heated.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked.

“Nothing angel, I just have to meet Benny soon and I’ll never leave if you keep that up” Dean pecked Cas’s cheek and walked to sit in a chair.

“You are going out? Who’s Benny?”

“Oh, right, Mr. Lafitte to you and he said he needs to talk to me so I said I’d meet him” 

“It’s about me isn’t it?” Cas started feeling nervous.

“Maybe but don’t worry, he’s someone I trust and he would never do anything okay?”

“Dean....” His face filled with fear.

“What is it Cas?”

“Um, it’s just, tell him what you think he can know but, but, please don’t....please don’t...tell him about....” he put his hands on his belly.

Dean went to him, comforting him with a hug.

“I won’t tell him about that angel, no one needs to know yet, I promise” He gave gentle kisses as he held him.

“Thank you Dean. Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course, you don’t have to ask anymore, I always want you here baby”

xx  
Dean pulled up to the bar and sat there for a few minutes. Benny was already inside. Dean is pretty good at handling whatever situations come his way but this one is a little tricky and sensitive.  
Even so, he won’t lie to his good friend. With that thought he got out and made his way inside.

The conversation went as he expected. Benny was concerned about what students had been teasing Cas about and about Dean’s name getting bad attention. 

“So it’s true? You and Cas?” Benny asked straight up.

“Yes”

“Dean, what are you doing brother? I don’t want to see you go down for something like this” He stressed.

“I know you’re looking out for me and it doesn’t look good from the outside but it’s real man. No matter how cheesy that sounds”  
Dean said.

“I can’t say I approve but I won’t turn you in, you know that. Just be careful Dean, these students are seeing more than you thought if I’m here askin”

“I get it. Thanks Benny”

He stuck around for a little while longer then called it a night. He was ready to get back home. Cas was asleep when he got back. He got undressed and snuggled up next to his love resting a hand on his belly.

 

xxx  
A couple weeks flew by. Cas was moved by how supportive Dean is but he is still worried about all the things they still need to figure out. 

He’s laying in bed unable to sleep, his mind just won’t let him settle. He slid his hand under his shirt to feel at the tiny little bump that is just beginning to grow, certainly not noticeable through his clothes yet but he can feel the little life when he presses around, it’s like a baseball size water balloon in there. He’s starting to notice the faintest of flutters. He just reached a week after the three month mark so he can tell the changes happening to his body. 

He sighed out and looked over at Dean sleeping, he’s so handsome. He could wake him up but he won’t. Instead he gets out of bed and wonders into the kitchen, looks in the fridge and of course nothing in it looks good. Then he thinks about the convenient store a few blocks away. Why not? He’s not going back to sleep yet maybe a walk will tire him some. He throws on jeans and a zip up hoodie, grabs his phone and his house key Dean made him and heads out the door.

The night air was calming, walks seem to help him clear his head a little. Cas was almost to the store when he saw a couple people standing beside a building he was coming close to. He didn’t pay attention to them until one of them said his name and a chill went down his spine.

“Hey Castiel!” The voice called out.

Cas kept walking.

“I’m talking to you, wait up!”

“Leave me alone Michael” Cas said still walking not looking at them.

Then Michael jogged getting himself in front of Cas and walked backwards to face him as he heckled him further. Raphael was with him and kept behind Cas. 

“Please stop bothering me” Cas said and tried to step around him.

“Ah ah, you and I are gonna have a chat” Michael grabbed Cas’s arm.

“Let go!” Cas tried to pull his arm out of his grasp but Michael gripped harder.

Raphael moved by Michael’s side to back him up and block Cas more. Michael yanked Cas into the alley between the buildings they were near. He pinned Cas to the brick wall flaring with anger.

“Why are you doing this? What did I ever do to you??” Cas asked nervously.

“What did you do? I’ll tell you what you did. You messed things up for me with Jack you little shit”

“Jack?!” Cas asked confused.

“Yes! Jack! He was brought to the party for me that night and you horned your way to him first”

“Michael that was summer and Jack and I never spoke again! Nothing happened! I’m with someone else! How can you blame me for....nothing?!”

“Shut up slut! It’s your fault I didn’t get a chance with him. But you know what? You aren’t bad looking yourself, maybe I’ll take what I want from you” Michael said with an evil expression. 

Cas began to struggle and try to get free but both of them were holding him now.

“Please, don’t, please” Cas said shakily. 

Michael grabbed Cas’s jaw pushing up to keep his mouth shut. He licked a trail up Cas’s neck as he squirmed. He pressed his body into Cas and forced a knee between his legs. He slowly unzipped Cas’s jacket and watched Cas’s face while he did it. Every muscle in Cas’s body was flexed and tense. Michael started grinding his hips into Cas. He put his mouth at Cas’s ear as he ran a hand firmly down his chest and stopped at his belly, his hand turning into a fist. 

“Don’t fuck with what’s mine again” he snarled in Cas’s ear.

Then he punched him hard right in the stomach and released him.

Cas doubled over coughing from the wind knocked out of him and fell to his knees, one hand on the ground holding himself up and the other holding his belly. Michael kicked him there and was about to kick him again but Cas managed to scream and hold a hand up.

“Stop!! My baby!! Please!!” He cried cradling his belly.

Michael instantly dropped his stance, his face turning ghostly white, eyes wide. He backed away and just bolted, running away with Raphael following. 

Cas was feeling sharp pain in his belly, he couldn’t stand up, every movement seemed to strike lightening through his mid-section. He was able to get his phone out of his pocket. He hit call and Dean answered on the third ring.

“Hello? Cas?”

“Help” Cas barely got out.

Dean sprung out of bed running through the house grabbing his keys and jumped in the car. 

“Where are you Cas?”

“Alley... store” Cas was crying and it hurt so much.

“I’m coming, just stay on the phone with me” Dean said worried out of his mind.

He was there in no time since it was only blocks away. He got out yelling for Cas. He heard the phone echoing and Cas’s cries. When Cas was in his view he ran to him and kneeled down beside him. 

“Cas, what happened?!” He was frantic. 

Cas is sitting with his knees up, clutching them, his face wincing and tears streaming. 

“Dean, I can’t move, it hurts too much” he was able to speak out.

“Okay, I’m going to carry you angel, I gotta get you out of here”

Cas shook his head knowing it was going to hurt.

“D-Dean, it’s...the..baby. They...punched me”

Dean felt a rage rise but he needs to take care of Cas. He looked down and noticed Cas was sitting in a puddle of blood. Oh God, no, this is bad. 

“We gotta get you to the hospital angel, I am going to pick you up now”

Dean got one arm under Cas’s knees and wrapped his other arm around Cas’s waist. He slowly and carefully lifted him up bridal style but it didn’t matter Cas cried out, his insides feel ripped and twisted. Dean tried so hard to be as delicate as possible but every step felt like a jolt to Cas. Dean placed him in the front seat on his side, Cas stayed in a ball. Dean got in and took off being sure not to make sharp turns or break hard even though he wanted to. He kept rubbing Cas’s head and giving soothing words whether it helped or not. 

Dean parked in front of the emergency entrance of the hospital.

“I’m going to run in and get help baby, please hold on okay?”

“Don’t leave me Dean!” Cas cried trying to reach for him.

“I’m not leaving you sweetheart, I will be in and out I promise” He kissed Cas’s temple and ran inside. 

Dean wasn’t kidding, he had a crew rushing out with a gurney immediately. They let Dean get Cas out of the car and lay him on it. Dean held his hand the whole time he was being taken to a room.

“Sir, we need you wait outside the room while we examine him” A nurse told Dean.

“I’m the father, he needs me” Dean said.

“I understand sir, we need to stop his pain and check him. I will come get you when you can sit with him”

“Alright, go help him, I’m staying by the door though” 

The nurse nodded and went back in the room. 

Dean paced and paced, it was killing him not being by Cas’s side. The longer he waited the more worried he got. After over an hour the nurse came back out.

“Finally” Dean said throwing up his hands. “Can I go in now?”

“Mr. Winchester, Cas is going to be okay physically but he suffered a miscarriage”

“What?! No! No, no, no, that can’t be right” Dean’s eyes began to water and his heart sank.

“I’m very sorry sir, he lost the baby in the event before he got here” 

“But....” Dean sputtered.

“I’m sorry for your loss. You can see him now, he’s resting and on pain medication so he’s mostly out of it. You can take him home in the morning”

“Wait, wait...does he know?”

“Yes he does. He did not take it well. Again, I am sorry” She tried to say it as caring as she could and walked away.

Dean stood there digesting the information. He bowed his head and rubbed his eyes to the bridge if his nose then his hand over his face.  
He slowly walked into the room. Cas is laying in the bed, eyes closed, face expressionless. He’s in a hospital gown and covered with a thin blanket, his arms by his sides. Dean stands beside him and takes his hand holding it. Cas’s eyes fluttered open. He watched Dean lift his hand and kiss it. His eye lids are heavy. A tear ran down his cheek when Dean kissed his forehead then he was out again. 

Dean pulled a chair close enough to the bed so he could hold Cas’s hand and lay his head down on the bed at his side. He will stay by Cas like that all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s NOT over! I promise it gets better.


	7. Chapter 7

When Cas woke up in the morning the only thing he said was that he wanted to go home. Dean got him checked out and helped him to the car. 

“Cas...“

“Please don’t, just don’t”

Dean didn’t say anything else. He started the car and got on the road. Cas looked out the window.  
He felt so empty, he supposed he actually was now. He couldn’t stop tears from falling, this emotion is strong and nothing like he’s felt before. He broke down putting a hand over his face. He couldn’t control his weeping.  
Dean pulled the car over and pulled Cas into his arms, he held him tight and cried with him. It was too much for them. Dean would do anything to save Cas from going through this, he doesn’t deserve such a loss, neither of them do. 

Cas was inconsolable, his cries only slowed enough to continue the ride home. Dean helped him inside and got him to lay down in bed. Dean laid behind him holding him, rubbing his head and back. His own tears coming in waves seeing his love so broken.  
After several hours Cas had cried himself to sleep. Dean stayed beside him and drifted off eventually too. 

Cas didn’t get out of bed for days, his heart is too shattered. Dean did everything he could to comfort him. After a week Cas had only progressed to switching from the bed to the couch. He hasn’t talked about anything, just listens when Dean speaks, he has no input, no interest. 

After another week of this Cas made a decision. He took a hot shower, brushed his teeth, put on normal clothes, and fixed his hair.  
Standing at the window he pulled out his phone and called his last resource.

“Castiel, what a pleasure to hear from you” 

“Hello Mom”

“How are you dear?”

“I am ready to come to New York, with you. I want to attend the college you recommended” 

“Wonderful news Castiel, I am thrilled. Shall we talk more about it the next time I arrive in town?”

“No. I want to come now mom”

“I see, you sound so sure”

“I am”

She paused only briefly.

“I will have a ticket for you tomorrow, you can be here by the weekend”

“Thank you mom”

“See you soon dear” she hung up.

xxx  
When Dean got home he saw Cas sitting in the chair by the window, he looked like his self, but also not at the same time.

“Hey angel, I’m glad you’re up, you look like you’re feeling better” he said with a smile.

Cas didn’t return it but he did keep eye contact as Dean walked over to him. He got on his knees in front of Cas to mostly be eye level, he ran a hand through his black hair watching the silky strands part and fall back in place. Cas took both Deans hands in his putting them together to kiss each one several times. He held them to his chest and looked back into the green eyes watching him.

“I love you Dean. I always will”

Dean’s face changed as he realized what Cas was doing, he was saying goodbye. 

“Cas?” 

He put his fingertips gently over Dean’s lips. Cas took Dean’s hand and put it on his chest placing his own over it holding it there.

“Feel that? It beats only for you. Think of me smiling for you, don’t remember my eyes like this, remember them shining bright like our stars” 

“Cas....please....I don’t know how to let you go” Dean’s voice a shaky whisper.

Cas put his hands on Deans face and kissed his lips one last time, both quivering against each other. A tear ran down Deans cheek and into their kiss. Cas pulled away and stood up with Deans hands sliding off him and he walked out the door. Dean stayed there on his knees motionless.

 

xxx  
Dean finished out that year of teaching and resigned the last day. He had to make changes, stay busy, do projects. If he didn’t focus on a goal he would want to fall off the earth, so he filled up his days with enough to stay occupied. He had a nice stash of money saved up so now seemed like a good time to start his own Auto body shop. There’s a building he’s had his eye on for a while so he finally put in an offer. It was his after a month. It needed a full remodel but he had the time and money to do it. 

Time went by, day after day, week after week, month after month, and when he looked up three years had gone by. Dean hadn’t stopped loading himself down, he just kept going. His shop is successful and he enjoys it. Winchester Auto is the place to go for any and all things car. 

For the first time in a long time Dean goes to the bar alone. He thought a little break couldn’t hurt but he ended up getting trashed. As he was about to leave he looked over and caught sight of someone he hadn’t seen around, Michael. He was with a couple friends. Dean was instantly filled with rage. He watched and waited for Michael to go outside alone. When he did Dean slipped out behind him un-noticed. Michael was leaning against the building smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey Michael, you know who I am?” Dean said with his top lip twitching.

Michael didn’t give him a second look.  
“No, you’re just drunk buddy” he took another drag off his cigarette.

Dean lunged at him holding him by the neck. Michael choked on the smoke he was still exhaling.

“Take a closer look prick” Dean snarled.

“Mr. Winchester?” He choked.

Dean tightened his grip.  
“Not anymore. Tonight I’m the guy who’s going to make you pay for what you took from me”

“I never took anything from you!”

“Try again”  
Dean threw a punch right to his face.

“Please!”

“Did Cas tell you stop?”  
He threw another hard punch.

“C-Cas?”

“Yes you maggot!!” Two punches this time and Michael fell to the ground.

“I didn’t know or I would have left him alone! I swear!” Michael cried out.

Dean got down straddling him sitting on his stomach. He pulled Michael’s jacket collar up to make him look at him.

“You took our child away and you took my Cas away! You know what that does to a person?!”

“Wait! Wait! You can’t do this!”  
Michael screamed.

“You’re 21 now, YES I can and you deserve it!”

Dean unleashed all his anger and pain through his fists. He doesn’t stop until he is physically unable to drive anymore force from his body. He climbs off Michael and stands up. He turned to start walking away but stopped only for a second as Michael said something with his swollen broken face.

“For what it’s worth..... I never forgave myself...for that night”

Dean stood there with his back to Michael.  
“You will never be forgiven”  
He walked away with his broken heart. 

When Dean got home he was flooded with all the pain he’s been pushing back. It consumes him and he breaks down uncontrollably. He lays in bed curled into himself. His knuckles hurt, the cuts throb, and his fists ache, but it’s nothing compared to his aching heart. Dean cries himself to sleep, cries for Cas, cries for everything he lost, his family.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s been eight years since he’s had to learn to live with a missing piece but Dean has stayed the same. He has his shop and tinkers with other hobbies he’s picked up along the way. He sees Benny from time to time but not much now that he is married with little ones running around. He makes it over to Johns about every other month for a family dinner with Sam and his wife. It helps to see his brother happy and doing well, they are expecting their first child.   
Everyone around him is growing and building their lives the way they’ve dreamed of. Dean has made a good name for himself and he is established and wants for nothing but even with that his heart is not full. He was never able to open it for another. 

One night after visiting with his dad and brother he does what he always does on a nice night. He parks his Impala in the clearing that has never changed over the years. He sits on the hood laying back on the windshield with a beer in hand and one arm behind his head.

He enjoys the spot under the stars his memory likes to replay. It’s a good memory, a special memory. This night the sky is full of more stars than he’s ever seen, it’s beautiful. He doesn’t look when he hears footsteps come near the parked car and stop.

“Hello Dean” the deep voice says.

“Cas. I knew you’d find me here one day” he kept his eyes on the sky. 

There was silence for a moment. Dean sat up and slid his legs to hang over the side of the Impala. He lifted his head and looked at Cas standing a few feet away, his heart skipped a beat.

Cas is wearing a tan trench coat and a blue tie, Dean smiles because that look suits him well.

“You still look like an angel Cas”

A closed lip smile came to his face as he kept his gaze on Dean. 

“I didn’t know if you would want to see me again Dean. I was hesitant to come here after so long. I just knew I had to. To see you” 

Dean’s expression was soft.  
“Will you come with me? I want to show you something” 

“Okay” 

Dean still walked with him to the passenger side and opened the door for him to get in. Dean took him to his auto shop. Inside Dean turned the lights on and it looked like a typical shop. Then as Cas walked around he saw the little details sprinkled around. His drawings were hung on the walls, some he hadn’t thought about in forever, like the one of Dean’s toolbox open and overflowing with all the different parts and pieces he used to grab for when he watched him work. A few others were hung strategically to match the area of the workspaces but the one that drove it home for Cas was the one beside Dean’s desk, the first drawing he gave Dean to find in his clipboard. 

Cas turned and looked at Dean. He didn’t know what to say or what he should say. 

“This is lovely Dean, I am proud of you. I am touched you kept my drawings and gave them a place here” 

“They will always have a place Cas”

Cas didn’t feel that was meant for the drawings.

“Will you do one more thing for me?” Dean asked. 

“Of course Dean”

“Tell me about about your life now?”

“Here?”

“Let’s go to my place so we can be comfortable, if you’re okay with that?”

“Yes Dean”

They get to the house and it’s just like before. Inside Cas notes it’s mostly the same with a few changes but still feels like home.

“I’m gonna get a drink, you want one?” Dean asks.

“Please”

Cas sits down on the couch in the familiar room. Minutes later Dean comes back with two glasses and hands one to Cas. He says “thank you” and takes a sip. The whiskey burns but goes down smooth.  
Dean takes a seat in the adjacent chair.

“So, fill in the gap for me Cas” He takes another sip and sits the glass down giving his full attention. 

“There’s not much to tell really. I went to college near my mother.  
I’m an architect. I like it, I spend most my time designing” he takes another sip.

“That’s great Cas. I’m glad you got to do something with your talent”

“I know it’s not glamorous and boring even, but it’s me” 

“Cas, you could never be boring”

He smiled slightly at Dean and saw a guitar standing beside the chair. 

“That’s new, did you learn?” Cas asked pointing at the guitar.

“Yea, I did, it’s a hobby”

“Play something for me?”

Dean smiles and picks up the guitar putting it across his leg. He positions his hand on the neck and lines his fingers over the strings. He takes the pick and starts strumming. Cas watches as he holds the strings and switches chords with his strums. He smiles when he recognizes the song, Sweet Home Alabama. Dean even starts singing along. Cas bobs his head watching how effortlessly Dean plays. He finishes the song and smiles at Cas.

“So wonderful Dean, you play beautifully”

“I’ve had a lot of practice” 

“Do you write your own too?” 

Dean’s eyes look down for a moment.   
“I do”

“Let me hear one, please?” 

Dean closes his eyes. He knows the guitar so well he doesn’t have to look but go on feel alone.   
He starts playing. When he sings his voice is so beautiful but the words melt Cas and he wishes even more that he could turn the clock back and stay. 

“Have you ever met an angel,   
Whose smile is like the sun,   
Whose laugh is like a melody  
That reaches everyone,  
Have you ever hugged an angel,   
Swept up in their embrace and swear there’s nothing in this world that makes you feel that way”

“Have you ever really loved an angel,   
Once you have you’ll never be the same again,  
Have you ever had to let go of an angel,  
Say goodbye,   
Let um fly,   
My angel,   
My best friend”

Cas can’t listen anymore, he came back for Dean and he needs to know it. He gets up and stands in front of Dean, he stops playing.  
Cas carefully takes the guitar from Dean and places it on it’s stand. He reaches and runs his fingertips along Deans forehead, his cheek, and rests his hand on his jaw and neck. 

“I am so sorry Dean. I was stupid. Young and stupid. I didn’t know how to grieve with you and I felt like I wouldn’t make it through. I know that’s not a good enough answer, I know it. I would change my choice, I’ve wished I could so many times”

“I don’t blame you Cas, I never have. I...love you”

Dean stands, keeps his eyes on the beautiful blue that have been a memory until now. Cas hugs him, wrapping tight, his head resting atop Dean’s shoulder. Dean holds him tight too.

“I missed you so much Cas”

“Dean I know I have no right to ask you for anything after what I did, but I had to come back to you” he holds on tighter.

“I am here to stay Dean, forever, only if you’ll have me. It’s a lot to ask, I know, but I love you too Dean, and I am so sorry”

Dean is overwhelmed with emotion. He releases Cas and steps away, he takes a seat on the couch.

“You’ve been gone for so long”

Cas is watching Dean’s face intently, for a sign, any sign.

“But I am not whole without you”

Cas walks over and slides on Dean’s lap like he used to. Dean hugs Cas tight and puts them cheek to cheek so his lips are close to Cas’s ear.

“My heart went with you angel. Please don’t bring it back if yours isn’t here”

Cas kisses Deans cheek and along his jawline. He looks him in the eyes then kisses his lips once softly.

“My heart never left Dean”

Another kiss.   
Dean has missed the feel of his lips, his sweet vanilla scent, how his touch invades all his senses. Dean gets lost for a moment, he runs his hands through Cas’s black hair, holds his face smashing their noses as he deepens the kiss, that same heavenly taste sends tingles to his core. His hands go over the now broad shoulders, down his sides, his hands slide to his hips and pulls him against him but stops. He puts his forehead to Cas’s chin as he breathes through his nose to calm his building want.

“Cas, are you home?”  
He didn’t notice he was holding his breath waiting for the answer.

Cas pressed his lips to his head planting soft comforting kisses to his temple, his cheek, his nose, his lips. With his head touching Dean’s, he takes Dean’s hand to place it on his chest and he lays his hand on Dean’s. 

“I’m home Dean, you can breathe, I’m home. We are whole, together”

With tears running down his cheek, Dean grabs Cas holding onto him, rubbing their faces, kissing him, lacing hands, kissing hands, then just staying in an embrace for who knows how long. It didn’t matter, they are where they should be, in each other’s arms.

xxx  
It was as if time started up again. No longer going through the motions separately. They were living again, believing again, hoping again. Their love came to a full bloom as it was meant to. 

“Dah, dah, dah”

Dean looked up from working on building a piece of furniture to see his dark haired, blue eyed, freckle faced two year old little girl with bouncy pigtails running his way.  
He smiled big and picked her up when she got to him.

“Are you running from daddy again you silly girl?” He booped her button nose and she laughed.

Cas came waddling in behind her out of breath. 

“There he is, there’s daddy” Dean said looking at him.

“She knows I can’t catch her now Dean, she’s faster than she looks”  
Cas said reaching for her and sitting her on his big belly like a chair.

“Well it’s not much longer till her sister will be here and then they both will be runners” he joked getting a glare from Cas. 

Dean kissed Cas on the cheek and then their daughters cheek and got back to building. Cas went to go put the squirmy girl down for a nap.

When Dean finished his project he went to peak in on Cas in the pink room. He smiled and felt his heart flutter when he saw that Cas had fallen asleep with her in the tiny fluffy bed with one arm around their girl and one hand on his belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Dean sings is by Beverley Mitchell called Angel. It’s a beautiful song, check it out if you haven’t heard it. I thought it was fitting for this.


End file.
